Announcing FYIC Behavioral Health

Posted: March 8, 2012 in After the Dust Settled
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

(We know you’re smart enough to figure it out what FYIC stands for, but here’s a tiny hint: ” __ck Your Insurance Company”)

We are currently petitioning the State of Texas to form FYIC Behavioral Health.  It’ll be the coolest video-based therapy you’ve ever seen.  You’ll love it…. and we hope you recommend us as a preferred provider to your health insurer:

  1. We’ll have you shoot a video of you describing what’s troubling you.
  2. We’ll superimpose that video on a video of a foreign guy pretending to be a real doctor.  He’ll ask you 3 or 4 open-ended questions about how you  feel and why you have an addiction problem.  He will nod and pretend to care what your answers are.
  3. We’ll then superimpose that video on a video of a crappy hospital.
  4. We’ll send you a bottle of klonopin and a copy of your 3-minute video.  (If you are seriously depressed or suicidal, we’ll send you a 6 minute video for an additional charge).
  5. We’ll bill your insurer $999 ($1,299 for the six minute video)

This is the newest, cutting edge behavioral therapy.  It is cheaper than ONE day at UBH Denton or Mayhill hospital, and, it will be just as effective.  You can sleep in YOUR bed, with YOUR pillows, unless of course your goal in the first place was to get away from the ol’ ball and chain.  In that case, we’ll be happy to make you inpatient, for an additional charge of $99 per night (the going rate at most nice local motels).

The best part?  You won’t have that pesky problem of being threatened with a commitment proceeding.  And, you can leave whenever you want.

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Comments
  1. Momonamission says:

    I have a commercial for them. Why don’t I start making it now? Oh, and yes. It stars the key players and their ALTERED medical records for my child. Too bad they forgot a few key sheets.

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